Not Everything We Feel Becomes A Story

It's 12:15 AM. Yesterday around 6PM, something happened to me.

I used to like a girl, we have been friends for more than 4 years. And she is older than me.

I don't know why I fell in love with her, even though I knew that we can't be together. Still I don't know why I fell in love with her.

I used to call her baby, and used to text like a partner and she used to talk to me nicely. Even though most of the time I texted her

I Love You

and she replied

Haan pta hai mujhe

I thought she also knew that I'm in love with her. Her voice is so lovely, and the way she smiles. shhhh.... is really lovely. I love the way she talks and behave.

And You know what? I literally love her. Whenever I talk to her I feel so happy like my whole stress releases instantly. Whenever I listen her voice my sad mind becomes so relax and sometimes I cried after listening her voice. My eyes filled with tears.

But I never let her know.

But yesterday around 6PM, She called me and said:

What are you thinking about me?

I see your texts, stories etc. What do you think about me? What's your age?

She said that we can't be together, our families are different, I'm older than you. What do you think about me?

My mind got so choked, I was feeling really sad. And I wanted to express what I think about her. But I couldn't.

I felt so guilty and thought that I'm doing something wrong. She didn't threat me. She was still nice to me. She said to be just friends. But I felt so sad.

It feels like my heart broke completely, literally completely. Even though I knew, we can't be together. After hanging up the call, I literally cried for 15 minutes. My eyes were fill with tears.

I'm feeling too much broken inside and still right now while writing this, tears are coming out from my eyes but I don't know what to say and what to do?

I knew we couldn't be together.

But knowing it in your head and accepting it in your heart are two completely different things.

Let's see how it goes.

Bye bye, Good Night 🥺